Power Glove Love

OK. I’m actually still playing it. I took baby steps to get to that level where I’m not bothered with online kids teabagging me- because I’m the one doing the teabagging. After playing online, I can say the experience is much better. As with all online games, the connection violently fluctuates from tolerable to HOLYFUCKINGSHITTHISISTERRIBLE. Despite that, my major qualms (for the most part) stem from the single-player campaign. I decided I would hone my skills there before going online and looking like an idiot- and that was a horrible idea. The idea of gaining experience and ranking up is a great idea- everyone else is doing it- but it’s tough to achieve when your comrades are dribbling idiots.

I’m making a big deal about the A.I. because of this: the game, almost immediately upon its release, was patched. And with this 1.1.0 patch, they brought the ability to bring bots to a room. FOR THE LOVE OF LITTLE BABY JESUS CHRIST, NO.

The A.I. consists of this:

Imagine you are a GDF Medic. You decide that helping your teammates is useless. So, you jump in an Anansi and fly in circles for 2 minutes. You get shot down. Instead of helping your Engineers stay alive while they repair the MCP (WHICH IS THE OBJECTIVE), you fly in the Anansis and make whooshing noises.

Or- let’s say you decide to be a simple Soldier. A Covert Ops is running across the map, attempting to hack a shield generator (or something along those lines). He calls for backup. Fuck that guy! You respond with “Request Denied.” OOoooh. Burned him. As he dies over and over again, calling for help, you and two others drive a jeep in circles while shitting yourselves. War is hell.

With these two prime examples, it shows you’re seriously handicapped with idiotic teammates. If you ever feel the need to add bots, DON’T.

The objectives are well placed and fun to achieve- if only your teammates would allow you to finish them. Online, it’s relatively easy to accomplish them. People usually get distracted easily and leave you enough time to slip in wherever you need to. In my opinion, the Strogg are amazingly overpowered. In a lot of reviews I’ve poured over, various people have stated this game’s balance is distributed evenly. And they repeat this often. Maybe during an online match with a full room. Pump a couple bots into an online game and see who wins. Seriously. Strogg don’t have to reload, they use your GDF corpse as a fucking spawn, and they have the Icarus wings making just about any location available to them. How balanced is that? Strogg rule. As I keep playing and getting accustomed, my perception will change. And I will let you know.

But for now, the game gets me so angry, my head hurts. Boo.

Three broken keyboards out of five.